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3/14/2025 — I wrote this earlier with more dramatics and dark woes, but sat on it and cut it down before
publishing.
 I come to you, dear internet, after big pain flare up a couple weeks ago. I’m still thankful it was nowhere near as bad as I was early November when it was so bad I couldn’t sleep. I don’t believe I’ve given a general health update in awhile, so that is what I’ll do here. There has been some progress in me figuring out what is going on with my body— I found out that I have cervical spine arthritis with “nerve involvement”. So basically some of my pain (especially neck pain) and numbness in my extremities are caused by my nerves being pinched in my neck. I’ve been going to Physical Therapy, which has been incredibly helpful, as well as starting a new medication to help with migraine symptoms (dizziness, light sensitivity, and neck pain) that the compression has been causing. It’s not the full picture of what’s going on, however, as my bloodwork once again showed signs of inflammation and points to something more rheumatological… But it's also not conclusive enough to diagnose me with anything specific... so I'm back in that strange limbo space. What’s extra worrying to me is that my platelet count is rising and I haven’t been offered any good explanation as to why… It’s a very fragile time for me, both physically and emotionally. I’ve had a lot of upset in my personal life, I feel a deep unease about the direction of my country, and a powerlessness that is even deeper than anything I have ever felt. I have, of course, felt the agony that is off and on from this mysterious physical pain, but also I’ve been struggling to control my own mental health at the same time. It’s hard to tell what feelings are chemical and what are natural— Should I feel okay right now, all things considered? Probably not? My life nor world is nothing as I envisioned it, my muscles and nerves feel like meat sliding off of a tenderly cooked bone, and I find myself reliant on others in a desperate way I never anticipated. This is all to say that I’m doing OK, all things considered. The fact that I’m able to get online and be dramatic on my personal website and click update is a step in the right direction. Isolation is no longer the name of the game— I can’t do this alone. |
| Archive | The perspective of a slightly younger Meg. 20212022 2024
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